Yes, it's the Cordarounds.com summer party and we ask, why throw a simple event, when you can throw a mind-bending all-day video adventure followed by a party that features heavy metal, ventriloquists, and sex-crazed robots?
From 9-5 Pacific we implore you to watch this here video widget and follow the adventure of a daytime -- one where heavy metal heroes, LIVE EVIL, try to fill an entire bus with folks who play hooky on an all day boozeathon.
WATCH NOW and don't hesitate to click forwards or backwards to see clips we post LIVE every 15 minutes or so. YOU CAN ALSO WATCH HERE. http://www.zannel.com/liveevil
So come back here to watch all day then come out to our summer party at the Make Out Room on 22nd St for a Live Evil Concert, the Cordarounds Variety Spectacular, and all kinds of pants.
We're not ones to toot our own horns, but we've never been afraid to toot our own recorders. And since the holidays are all about tradition & nostalgia, today we reflect on one of our finest adventures -- one that was covered on Wired News and local TV, one that still inspires San Franciscans till this very day.
Your December 10 advent treat: THE PIED PIPER OF BOOZE.
The Golden Push was a resounding success. In 8 hours, nearly 200 people pushed Tyler from the Mission all the way to the Goldengate. Our sponsored athlete battled feral children and an overactive bladder to reach his objective by 4:45. MacNiven's remarkable, people-powered production was covered by the EXAMINER, THE CHRONICLE, and KFOG.
WATCH THE WHOLE (OR HILARIOUS PARTS) OF THE VIDEO BY VIEWING THE EXPANDED ENTRY WITH ZANNEL VIEWER.
As you may know, the grooves on corduroy pants are called "Wales", like the country not the beasts that roam our seas.
While humankind, in all its madness, prefers vertically oriented wales nearly 1,000,000,000 to 1, the Cetacean population has yet to weigh in on the debate that currently embroils the corduroy world.
It was a famously bad business decision, the creation of Babyrounds. Not the concept, but the volume.
Last summer, we said, “Hey, let’s make something cute and clever out of all these leftover fabric scraps!” Little did we know this industrial waste would yield a mountain of baby pants as terrifying as the Eiger!
Despite having sold more baby pants than a meth-addled Willy Loman with a steamer trunk full of Garanimals, we’re still up to our eyeballs in the darn things. So, with space at a premium aboard Cordarounds’ new economy-size corporate zeppelin, we’ve decided to hold another Babyrounds sale and give 100% of the proceeds to our friends Chuck and Erin, who shelled out a serious wad of dough on failed in vitro fertilization, and now must pay another mountain of moola to adopt a child.
Many an adventurer has asked us, "Can the Cordarounds reversible smoking jacket survive the boat-thirsty, Narwahl-infested waters of the North Atlantic?” Our stock answer has always been: "Aye, me hearty. " But when we discovered that our fearless friend Bill Bowles planned to don his smoking jacket and brave these tempestuous seas in the frozen heart of winter, we began to worry.
Cordarounds customer, Dr. David Hoffman, demonstrates how to haggle for entrails and riverdance in Tajikistan, proving, once again, that Pot-Docs are the ultimate in travel and meat-eating attire.
Note: Hoffman is not an MD, he's a Ph.D., who for years envied medicine menswear and wished his discipline had scrubs of its own. Now it does.
So if you're a Ph.D., MA, BA, MBA, or JD -- whatever your degree -- now you can perform operations ensconced in cozy hemp linen, whatever those operations may be.
Do you have pictures of yourself performing Cordarounds operations in exotic lands? If so, we want to know.
Like all great underdog tales -- Rocky, The Karate Kid, Meatballs -- the favorite takes off to a commanding lead. But when all seems lost, our hero finds the can-do magic in his soul and valiantly fights back. Today, we find Bill confidently astride a Mongolian steed wearing Cordarounds and discussing sardines. Something tells me that today, Bill's birthday, the tide will surely turn.
Each month, Cordarounds pays Google $1,000 to attract people who are seeking information on things like "seersucker shorts." "corduroy pants" or "the whereabouts of Buck Kentucky." The results have been as reliable and exciting as investing in government bonds.
As men foolish enough to make pants for a living, we eventually got to wondering: Why is Cordarounds just investing in T-bills when the company could also be investing in other, more risky bills -- namely, Bill Bowles, member of an elite cadre of Cordarounds-sponsored athletes and also creator of mynameisbill.com? And as our flight of fancy began to soar, we thought: Gee, why don't we orchestrate a contest between this globetrotting adventurer who proudly owns the 8 billionth most-popular site on the Web and the most powerful Internet company in the world?
Why? Because at Cordarounds, we root for the underdog. After all, every day at Cordarounds is an uphill battle against the Goliath known as Vertical Corduroy, the vile, monolithic fashion bloc that brainwashes the masses with its medieval, un-aerodynamic pants.
So for the next 30 days, it’s Bill versus Google. We’re sending a thousand bucks to Mountain View and 10-hundred crisp greenbacks to Mongolia, or wherever Bill happens to be. Then we'll see whose Web site sells the most Cordarounds.
Google offers tracking code to alert us when they ring up a sale. Bill offers no such technology. So if you're a fan of mynameisbill.com, simply write "Bill" or other words of underdog encouragement in the comments section of the order form. We'll report who's winning each week.
The current tally:
Bill: 0 Google: 0
Bill and Google supporters will still find many great deals left on Summerounds and Shortarounds in our store. But act quick, because these arch rivals will be working overtime to send buyers to snatch up the last of our seersuckers and cleverly-lined shorts. CLICK TO VISIT OUR STORE.
Add another name to the roster of legendary Cordarounds test pilots: Stephane Cros, the world's first seer-sonic shredder. May he rest in peace.
Each and every man who straps on a pair of our aerodynamic shorts or trousers soars, falcon-like, into a world of blinding velocity; this is a fact. Yet, there are those who push the envelope further still, names like Wellington Stack, Bosco Breedlove and Trippy Frost -- men and indefatigable toddlers who gave their lives in the name of pant science.
So, we should not have been surprised when inventor, Stephane Cros, requested a pair of size-40 seersucker shorts for what he described as high-speed, aqua-aerobatic research. You won't believe what you see in this incredible video.
Honor the Flying Cros by forwarding his final moments on to a friend, or, better yet, by purchasing a pair of seersucker shorts or trousers of your own -- ideally, a pair that needn't accommodate a wetsuit and kite-surf harness. Click the shorts below to visit our catalog.
Eat your heart out Steve Fossett! Cordarounds customer, Patrick Chapman, is now the toast of the endurance world. On Monday, the San Franciscan eclipsed the world record for consecutive days wearing corduroy pants, a title long held by “Filthy” Phil Arbuckle, a seal wrestler from San Francisco’s Barbary Coast era. Mr. Chapman, a mergers and acquisitions whiz at a well-known San Francisco Internet Company, has worn his 5-pocket blue Cordarounds every day since January 11. Chapman is pleased to report that they’ve excelled at work, at play, and even on Valentine’s Day, when, miraculously, his wife failed to divorce him. His goal: the mythical 60.
Oh, the countless come-ons Cordarounds have inspired: "Ooh, may I touch your leg?" Or "Ahh, may I tickle your silky pocket?" Yet for every lusty, Lazenby-esque tale, there is a tender story of heartwarming love. Today Cordarounds treats you to two such vignettes -- one true and one false. Only Sherlock Holmes himself would be able to deduce which is real and which is red-hot pant fiction. Can you?
Judge Ted Tippler from Fresno writes:
Dear Cordarounds,
Last year, I was beamed aboard a spacecraft and transported to a small planet in the far reaches of the Andromeda Galaxy, where I was supposed to pledge my allegiance to Zygloff Exbbuggggh, leader of a race of reptilian-like humanoids called the Fallopians. Little did I know at the time that horizontal corduroy was the rarest and most prized fabric in that solar system! Because I was wearing a pair of Cordarounds at the time of my abduction, I was instantly awash in wealth and power, which I used to unseat the tyrannical Exbbuggggh and, in the process, secure for myself his enormous harem of nubile, gymnastic Znorts. THANKS!!!
K. Wheeler from New York writes:
Dear Cordarounds:
Your pants reunited me with my true love. We were together for 2 years, and then broke up when I moved to NY from TX. We lost touch for a while, but then he sent an email telling me he'd bought these new pants called Cordarounds. I was a little curious, so I emailed back, just casually. We kept in touch this time, and I had a renewed interest in him ~ before he never seemed to go out on a limb, try really new things. He liked things just so... kinda ho-hum.
But now, something was different. After a few months of emailing, we decided to meet next time I came to Texas. Over Christmas we met for lunch, and he was WEARING THEM! I kept feeling like I was being drawn, pulled to him as if by some gravitational force. Sparks flew as soon as I touched those pants, and we've been back together ever since! He attributes it all to the coolness of the horizontal wale!
I guess you can say I dug his lowered drag. Though I'm not sure I trust your lowered crotch heat claim -- hmmmmm...
I'm planning to relocate to TX as soon as possible, so we can start our new life together!
The true story, of course, is #1. And now that your hearts are warmed as much as ours are, why not spice up your love life with some horizontal corduroy?
What started as a mission of grand adventure and friendship between Americans and Iranians has become bizarrely political. From the very start of the run, journalists were asking, "So, you're running to support a nuclear Iran?" Shortly afterwards, Tyler and Bob were draped in sashes that proclaimed, " I support Naclear Enerjy." 7 days of fun running came to a diplomatic standstill in Qazvin, when our heroes said, for umteenth time, "Wait, this run is a cultural exchange not a nuclear promo..."
Now the fate of I RAN IRAN lies in the hands of the foriegn ministry and, perhaps, even the clergy. Impressive, sure, when you can create an ulcer-worthy event for scores of government officials, but all Tyler and Bob want to do is run from one end of the country to another. Is that so bad? Apparently, in these immensely contentious times, it is.
Up to this point, they've been treated royally, with police and ambulance escorts, local running groups to set the pace, and huge welcoming party in Qazvin--so welcoming that they picked them up and drove them 40K to make it on time.
But that's where the fun ended, and our heroes were forced, once again, to confront the bureaucratic madness they faced for the first few weeks of the adventure. Will the run continue? We'll keep you posted.
After hearing 16 days of bureaucratic ups and downs, threatend deportations, and gulletfulls liver fat, I received this notice at midnight, penned in Tyler's unmistakable pixelated hand:
We start the run in 4 hours from the Caspian Sea! We've been put up in a 4 star hotel, and have a TV crew waiting at the starting line. Also, there is an ambulance ready at all times in case anything happens. They want me to carry flags promoting nuclear energy, but I said it might be hard to run with a flag. It's going on the car instead. Lots of tea and kisses in fancy offices. the local track team might join for a few miles. no sleep on the drive up here last night. going now to catch a few zzzs. we can hardly believe what's happening. the river of honey is flowing, now I just hope we have the strength to paddle.
meanwhile, 325km away in Tehran, there is a grumpy man in his office trying to figure out a way to deport me.
Golden times in Iran,
Tyler
Now it's only appropriate that I catch you, the millions of I Ran Iran fans, up on the action. It goes like this:
For the past 2 odd weeks, our friend **and first sponsored Cordarounds athlete** Tyler has been trying to get government clearance to run from the top of Iran (the majestic Caspian Sea) to its bottom (the scorching, supertanker-laden Persian Gulf). About 1000 miles lie inbetween. A clever idea indeed, but not if you're a member of the Iranian tourism industry or the ministry of foreign affairs. To them, your first instinct is to say, "that's not how it's done and, my curly haired friend, you're out of your mind." Their second instinct is to work themselves into a bureucratic lather when you persist to run Iran.
What follows is an emotional rollercoaster of approvals, denials, threats of deportation, shouting matches between opposing governmental organizations (all in Farsi, mind you, which apparently sounds like a shouting match at all times) and finally...finally...the merry band of runners, wrestlers, and government minders leave Tehran in the middle of the night, destination Rasht.
Throughout the diplomatic wrangling, Tyler has trained with an Iranian wrestling legend who, to date, has been the lynchpin of the I Ran Iran team. He goes by The Captain (and for those Iranian freestyle wrestling buffs among you, I promise to deliver his full name in future blog posts.) When Ty failed to get clearance through the tourism ministy, the Captain turned him on to the Physical Education Organization, which is something like the International Olympic Committee, and they were able to cut enough red tape to make the mission possible. So hats off to them. And a free pair of Cordarounds to its visionary leader! Sir, just send me your address.
A final and very important note to close today's update:
Tyler is joined on this mission by his old friend Bobak, who's of Iranian descent, and will be running with our hero every step of the way. He's keeping a blog of the mission, so I Ran Iran junkies can get more and more info there.
The next update will be filed early next week. Keep the words of encouragement coming.
I Ran IRAN Is On!
I Ran Iran Update 1: Cow Eyes, Techno, and Bureaucracy
So you want to run a thousand miles across Iran. Where do you start? You train. But training can be a bit difficult when you're training in Tehran, which is a smog broth of a city, and you have a theocratic bureaucracy standing in between you and your cross country quest.
Challenge one in Tyler's trip across Iran is getting the approval to do so. That means a massively extended visa and a tour guide who's willing to keep an eye on him for over a month. You see, when you're foreigner in Iran, particularly a tall, big-haired foreigner wearing wacky clothing, they want to keep an eye on you.
So the first couple days have been spent haggling with tourism officials, eating cow eyeballs with his crew, and techno dancing to keep in shape at night. Tyler informs me that injecting anything remotely sexual into your dance moves can earn you a flogging--anywhere from 40 to 80 lashes depending on the degree to which you bust a move.
He's very excited to be there, and, of course, people are very warm to him. The goal of this trip is learn about this member of "The Axis of Evil" by running from South to North. But will Tyler get his permits? Or will his project have to be renamed I Technoed Iran?
More news next week...
Super duper I Ran Iran junkies can catch up on Tyler's travels as told by his old friend, translator, and travel partner, Bobak, on this blog.
If you have any news or comments for Tyler, leave a comment below and I'll pass it on to him when we talk on the phone.
Originally designed for relaxing beside the spittoon, Cordarounds have, rather unexpectedly, become the trousers of great adventure. Yes, the horizontal wonderslacks have seen action in Antarctica and Afghanistan, and have bested the Ultimate Hamdog in Atlanta. Impressive feats, no doubt, but no past Cordarounds adventure can quite compare to what follows ...
Fresh off his victory in the Amazing Race, our friend Tyler has opted for adventure over a spot on the Hollywood Squares. Tomorrow, he sets off for a monthlong, ultra-ultra-ultra marathon across Iran!
Tyler will be filming his 1,000-mile adventure along the way, with plans to produce a story as inspiring as Kintaro Walks Japan, his first cross-country epic. The Cordarounds blog will be base camp for the duration -- expect weekly updates, photos and, perhaps, an international incident.
What can you do to support Tyler?
1) Run. And if you happen to run in Cordarounds, we don't mind the eccentric promotion.
2) Post inspirational messages and whip-smart quips for Tyler in the Cordarounds blog.
3) Write your Congressional representative, imploring them to postpone another war for at least two months.
As is well known, the first pair of Cordarounds pants travelled to Antarctica to claim an entire continent in the name of horizontal corduroy. So it's only appropriate that we would test our skirts in equally extreme conditions. Lindsay and Lauren, intrepid skirt researchers, just called in this travelogue via Ham radio.
Cordarounds Skirt Testing in Iceland
by Lindsay and Lauren
The tiny nation of 300,000 blonde inhabitants is accustomed to the bizarre and the inane. School children visit the 6 ton penis of a sperm whale at the national museum, families rope themselves together for trekking over glacier crevasses and the night sky dances with the ephemeral green of northern lights. With 7 days to adventure and one bag to pack. We shoved off with our Cordaround Skirts in tow. Beyond trend, fashion and pure comfort, Cordarounds proved essential on our trip to this land of lava and snow.
Top 10 Reasons to Visit Iceland wearing Cordaround Skirts:
1.) Free admission to the Philological Museum- home of the largest penis ever: a six ton sperm whale wang 2.) Covered our crevasses and gave us room to enjoy the spouting geysers 3.) Horizontal rugged texture grips the slippery leather seat of a snow mobile 4.) Provided ventilation to enjoy the natural geothermal heat radiating from the earth 5.) Perfect transition gear from glacier to clubbing (dancing, not baby seals) 6.) Looks good with crampons, amazing with snow shoes 7.) Enhances enjoyment of the northern lights 8.) Easy-to-spot, small, red square provides safety in case of avalanche 9.) Perfect for riding the miniature Icelandic ponies 10.) The land of texture….snow, lava, hay, sand, rocks and horizontal corduroy
CORDAROUNDS CAJOLES SAN FRANCISCO SINGLE INTO IMPORTANT SOCIAL EXPERIMENT
Since its limited release last holiday season, the powers of the Cordarounds reversible smoking jacket have become borderline semi-legendary. Gentlemen the world over have sent countless ho-hum happy hours spiraling into flights of Hefnerian debauchery, simply by turning their corduroy jackets inside-out-- and revealing their silky-smooth secret.
Now we're making jackets for the ladies.
We have to test them first, of course, and for that we’ve turned to our intrepid friend, Loryn*. This Friday, she embarks on a quest to harness the powers of her jacket to secure a hearty, Midwestern male in the name of Science. And what better place to do so than the new boozing capital of the United States -- Milwaukee.
Last week, Cordarounds held a Fun Raiser at the The Blackhorse to send this dauntless San Francisco single on A MILWAUKEE MANHUNT TO FIND THE MYTHICAL MAN OF THE MIDWEST. Thanks to many generous and somewhat perplexed patrons, we raised $420 (see below).
You can help, too! Wherever you are, just wear your Cordarounds Friday night as a sign of support. And if you want to contribute directly, red Cordarounds t-shirts will be available for purchase through this weekend, with each and every cent going toward Loryn’s travel fund.
The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and the WKTI morning show have heralded the imminent arrival of this brave adventurer, and Cordarounds is confident that her exploits will soon supplant Baby Suri as the news of the day.
If you live in Milwaukee or know someone who does, the Manhunt begins tomorrow night at 6 at Sauce (217 North Broadway, in the Third Ward).If you have any last minute Milwaukee Manhunt travel tips or encouragement for Loryn, don’t hesitate to leave them in our blog.
To adventure!
Loryn is pictured with a pitcher 'o cash and The Black Horse owner, James.
*Ok, there’s a chance we may have goaded her into doing this.
The Golden Push was a resounding success. In 8 hours, nearly 200 people pushed Tyler from the Mission all the way to the Goldengate. Our sponsored athlete battled feral children and an overactive bladder to reach his objective by 4:45. MacNiven's remarkable, people-powered production was covered by the 
As you may know, the grooves on corduroy pants are called "Wales", like the country not the beasts that roam our seas.
It was a famously bad business decision, the creation of Babyrounds. Not the concept, but the volume. 
Many an adventurer has asked us, "Can the Cordarounds reversible smoking jacket survive the boat-thirsty, Narwahl-infested waters of the North Atlantic?” Our stock answer has always been: "Aye, me hearty. " But when we discovered that our fearless friend Bill Bowles planned to don his smoking jacket and brave these tempestuous seas in the frozen heart of winter, we began to worry.
Cordarounds customer, Dr. David Hoffman, demonstrates how to haggle for entrails and riverdance in Tajikistan, proving, once again, that Pot-Docs are the ultimate in travel and meat-eating attire. 
What started as a mission of grand adventure and friendship between Americans and Iranians has become bizarrely political. From the very start of the run, journalists were asking, "So, you're running to support a nuclear Iran?" Shortly afterwards, Tyler and Bob were draped in sashes that proclaimed, " I support Naclear Enerjy." 7 days of fun running came to a diplomatic standstill in Qazvin, when our heroes said, for umteenth time, "Wait, this run is a cultural exchange not a nuclear promo..."
After hearing 16 days of bureaucratic ups and downs, threatend deportations, and gulletfulls liver fat, I received this notice at midnight, penned in Tyler's unmistakable pixelated hand:
Since its limited release last holiday season, the powers of the Cordarounds reversible smoking jacket have become borderline semi-legendary. Gentlemen the world over have sent countless ho-hum happy hours spiraling into flights of 
