CORDAROUNDS LAUNCHES WORLDWIDE SEARCH FOR NEW LAZENBY
May 06, 2009 |
Like the 007 franchise, every now and again Cordarounds must update our leading man. And that man is, of course, Lazenby.
Lazenby! Smoldering hero-horseman! Romantic exemplar extraordinaire! Upon his trusty steed, dear Lazenby -- protector of all that is delicious to the eyes -- has clippity-clopped through the fog-shrouded streets of San Francisco for several glorious years now, clad in his reversible smoking jacket and signature velveteen jodhpurs.
But alas, we learned last week that Lazenby has decided to depart our city … forever! Yes, the incomparable adventurer who has defended the honor of lovely ladies around the world by sleighing the incandescently vile Santa Claus and javelining the despicable Baron Chou will now vanish into the night, leaving naught but the scent of jasmine and premium liqueurs in his wake. Ladies, take one last look.
But do not weep! As this Lazenby departs, he will pass the fiery torch of amour to another! So this month, we’re looking for our new Lazenby, and it could be you. All you need is a reversible smoking jacket to evoke our hero’s legendary looks (a $195 purchase made easier than ever with the release of today’s new-fangled* Blackhorse coat). Beyond that, the very minimum in imagination is required. Of course, we’ve come to expect the very most from our customers once they’ve got an idea in their heads, so we’ve asked Lazenby himself to pen an ultra-strict application procedure -- one we gladly offer to you first, before posting the position on Craigslist this afternoon.
Could there be a better time for a career change? Yes.
* New-fangling involves an update of collar backing with luxurious Burmese green cashmere, injecting precisely 1,000 lumens of sizzle into its satin brocade inner lining, and softening up the Vagisoft pockets by a staggering 12,000%. What is Vagisoft? Thanks for asking.
LAZENBY JOB DESCRIPTION AND INTERVIEW APPLICATION
Villains, perverts and curs need not apply! After three years of protecting the women of San Francisco from all manner of beastly intent, I hereby relinquish the saddle upon my trusty stallion, Obsidian, and call upon a new rider -– he who is fearless, indomitable and engorged with the spirit of chivalry -- to take this most valiant mount.
As before, the sound of Obsidian’s clippity-clopping hooves shall send knaves scurrying and women’s hearts racing as you patrol the avenues of this metropolis. As before, the city shall be beset by fits of female swooning and starry-eyed proposals of varying indecencies, but the object of every right-thinking maiden’s desire shall be a brand new Lazenby, a man whose smoldering gaze above the collar of a reversible smoking jacket will still be capable of melting the straps of even the heartiest brassiere!
Applicants must, in 100 words or much, much less, describe what they will bring to the role of Lazenby, and they may do so on the Cordarounds Facebook fan page. Please type responses in your finest calligraphy.
Applicants must be handy with lances, javelins, morning stars and Tibetan massage.
Photos of you peering over the collar of a Cordarounds coat are greatly preferred (see above.)
Professional models are not welcome.
The winner will become our new Lazenby, Cordarounds’ dashing spokesman for women – the very eyes that encourage them to purchase by the hundreds when we release limited-edition skirts this summer. Over the coming weeks, candidates will undergo a rigorous review process, including a battery of questions in the pixels of this newsletter and throughout the Cordarounds site.
Lazenby! Smoldering hero-horseman! Romantic exemplar extraordinaire! Upon his trusty steed, dear Lazenby -- protector of all that is delicious to the eyes -- has clippity-clopped through the fog-shrouded streets of San Francisco for several glorious years now, clad in his reversible smoking jacket and signature velveteen jodhpurs.
But alas, we learned last week that Lazenby has decided to depart our city … forever! Yes, the incomparable adventurer who has defended the honor of lovely ladies around the world by sleighing the incandescently vile Santa Claus and javelining the despicable Baron Chou will now vanish into the night, leaving naught but the scent of jasmine and premium liqueurs in his wake. Ladies, take one last look.
But do not weep! As this Lazenby departs, he will pass the fiery torch of amour to another! So this month, we’re looking for our new Lazenby, and it could be you. All you need is a reversible smoking jacket to evoke our hero’s legendary looks (a $195 purchase made easier than ever with the release of today’s new-fangled* Blackhorse coat). Beyond that, the very minimum in imagination is required. Of course, we’ve come to expect the very most from our customers once they’ve got an idea in their heads, so we’ve asked Lazenby himself to pen an ultra-strict application procedure -- one we gladly offer to you first, before posting the position on Craigslist this afternoon.
Could there be a better time for a career change? Yes.
* New-fangling involves an update of collar backing with luxurious Burmese green cashmere, injecting precisely 1,000 lumens of sizzle into its satin brocade inner lining, and softening up the Vagisoft pockets by a staggering 12,000%. What is Vagisoft? Thanks for asking.
LAZENBY JOB DESCRIPTION AND INTERVIEW APPLICATION
Villains, perverts and curs need not apply! After three years of protecting the women of San Francisco from all manner of beastly intent, I hereby relinquish the saddle upon my trusty stallion, Obsidian, and call upon a new rider -– he who is fearless, indomitable and engorged with the spirit of chivalry -- to take this most valiant mount.
As before, the sound of Obsidian’s clippity-clopping hooves shall send knaves scurrying and women’s hearts racing as you patrol the avenues of this metropolis. As before, the city shall be beset by fits of female swooning and starry-eyed proposals of varying indecencies, but the object of every right-thinking maiden’s desire shall be a brand new Lazenby, a man whose smoldering gaze above the collar of a reversible smoking jacket will still be capable of melting the straps of even the heartiest brassiere!
Applicants must, in 100 words or much, much less, describe what they will bring to the role of Lazenby, and they may do so on the Cordarounds Facebook fan page. Please type responses in your finest calligraphy.
Applicants must be handy with lances, javelins, morning stars and Tibetan massage.
Photos of you peering over the collar of a Cordarounds coat are greatly preferred (see above.)
Professional models are not welcome.
The winner will become our new Lazenby, Cordarounds’ dashing spokesman for women – the very eyes that encourage them to purchase by the hundreds when we release limited-edition skirts this summer. Over the coming weeks, candidates will undergo a rigorous review process, including a battery of questions in the pixels of this newsletter and throughout the Cordarounds site.
