Imagine if the world of aviation had declared "Problem solved!" after the Wright Brothers made their historic first flight at Kitty Hawk. Why, we would never have known the glories of the Spruce Goose, stealth bomber, or the Cordarounds Zeppelin! (More on our corporate dreadnought in a moment.)


The same can be said of Cordarounds' groundbreaking line of horizontal-corduroy pants -- another tribute to human imagination and ceaseless innovation. Like Orville and Wilbur, our brave employees have risked life and limb in the pursuit of trouser technology. And once again this season, Cordarounds has taken a quantum leap forward in science and fashion with a host of fantastic upgrades.

For starters, we’ve shaved one wale per inch off our standard corduroy, creating a lighter, faster-than-ever autumn trouser -- a full .85% more aerodynamic than last year’s model. Now they truly are the SST of the pant world!


On the fashion end, we’ve lined our pants with mysterious and delightful Asian fabrics that are sure to impart a certain ancient wisdom to your waistband and rear end -- enough to encourage the style-conscious among you to retire last year’s Cordarounds and furiously click to buy a new pair.

Of course, all these luxurious upgrades pale in comparison to what our engineers are cooking up for the Cordarounds Zeppelin -- our almost-completed aerial corporate headquarters that’s scheduled to take flight by 2099, if not sooner. The race to liftoff is illustrated by the handy fund-o-meter below, which just this week surged forward by 2 pixels on account of our incredibly popular Bike to Work pants.

 

Improvements to our aerial workplace:

- Powered by clean coal technology.

- Gourmet cafeteria featuring the finest in migratory fowl, harpooned daily by our world-renowned aero-chefs. (Be sure to try our famous Hindenburger, made from 1/2 pound of pure Canada goose.)

- Day care for tots and bots.

- Full-service spa and skydiving facilities.

- Falcon-friendly work environment.

- Full retirement and cryogenic benefits.

It's going to be a little while before the zeppelin takes flight -- generations at least. In the meantime, you can join 305 other aeronauts in the Cordarounds Virtual Workplace, conveniently located on our Facebook fanpage. Come on aboard, there's room for 500, plus livestock.