Introducing the Cordarounds Handshake
October 11, 2006 | | Comments (5)
Newsweek magazine reported that buying a pair of Cordarounds is like joining a weird club. Which got us thinking: In our haste to produce the world’s finest horizontal corduroy pants, had we forgotten to offer our customers a sense of esprit de corps? While our engineers work tirelessly to devise a proper fight song and Latin motto, there’s one thing we can give you that’s sure to impart an immediate sense of camaraderie.
Introducing the official Cordarounds handshake:
Consider this the key that opens the door to Club Cordarounds. When you spy a Lindland’s pant wearer working the door at a popular night spot, extend a hand and in you go. Apply it when interviewing for a job and say no more (particularly within the military industrial complex).
Yes, the benefits of Cordarounds ownership are vast and real. Here are but a few:
-The eternal enmity of zebras and striped bass.
-A standing $5 discount at San Francisco's smallest Pub, the Blackhorse.
-If you spot the Cordarounds prize panther (and it doesn’t maul you) you can win up to $1 trillion dollars.
-A certain optimism.
-When arm wrestling, a certain over-the-toptimism.
-Guaranteed favoritism when applying for work on the Cordarounds Zeppelin
-Shave .003 off your personal best in the corduroy pants 100M dash.
Know that when you buy a pair of Cordarounds, you’re joining a worldwide fraternity of pant wearers with an eye for fashion and a taste for adventure. You’re forging a lifelong bond with the likes of Kip McCorkle of Duluth, Minnesota, Prime Minister Renaldo Orio of the Republic of San Merengue, Inuit shaman Taqukaq, and the entire roster of the Yotohiro Stink Dragons of the Japanese Baseball League.
If you have any suggestions, whatsoever, about how to make this a club that rivals the Freemasons or Skull and Bones in global influence, by all means, let us know.
Comments (5)
Dear Cordarounds -
I'm a machinist and last year I lost my middle finger on the binder clip line at the 3M factory in Minnetonka. (I bent over to grab my Nathan's Hot Dog, when THWACK! Gone.) Will that preclude me from reaping some of the benefits that go with the new Cordarounds Handshake? I guess what I'm asking is, "Will I be accepted like I am?" or will I be viewed as a wannabe imposter type?
Thanks,
Rick Jorgensen
Inspector Number 34
Posted by Rick Jorgensen | October 11, 2006 07:18 AM
Sir Pinkton Tuttlefield said...
Speaking of cord blood, I recently spilled a huge bowl of blood pudding all over my Cordaround trousers, yet was still able to deliver a fine a firm handshake in the manner you prescribed. Cheers!
Posted by Pinkton Tuttlefield | October 11, 2006 07:20 AM
I've just returned from the Ashram, emerging with a new found understanding of this journey we call life. As I was pulling four feet of gauze from my esophagus (to purify my upper tract), it occurred to me...CORDAROUNDS IS BLOOD! They're the life blood of the fashion industry. When I wear them I feel a pulsating sensation below the waisty and I know I am one with a higher power
Posted by anonymous | October 11, 2006 07:21 AM
The Cordarounds Handshake will surely catch on, however, engineers expect some difficulty with the Waffle Cords handshake and recommend attempting only with exceptional dexterity
Posted by Dr. Ted Whitmore | October 11, 2006 07:22 AM
claire said...
How 'bout this for a latin motto: "Aut viam inveniam aut faciam" (I'll either find a way or make one)
Posted by claire | October 11, 2006 07:22 AM