Hot For Fall: Cordarounds, Cauliflower Ear
September 16, 2006 | | Comments (5)
SAN FRANCISCO, Sept. 21 — Say farewell to Metro. All hail the dawn of the Cromagnosexual. This fall, the most stylish men on the planet are wearing Cordarounds’ hearty horizontal-corduroy pants ...and "suffering" moderate to severe cases of cauliflower ear.
The medical community calls it "destruction of cartilage due to trauma that results in a thickened and deformed ear," but leading fashionistas from New York to Shanghai report that these funky lobes will be cruising the runways in ’06. Accompanied, of course, by pairs of Cordarounds, long recognized as the perfect pant for today's hottest rugby injuries.
Famed trend seer Coco Pitts explained the new Cromagno look thusly: "A pair of Cordarounds trousers not only looks scrum-ptious, the meshing, horizontal corduroy wales reduce crotch-heat friction, sending sperm counts skyrocketing to caveman levels. Combine that with cauliflower ear -- a trademark occupational hazard of the Neanderthal -- and you’ve got a hot look that says, 'I'm a hunter-gatherer who works hard – and plays violently! I'm Cromagno!"
Indeed, the formerly Metro are hurrying to join the maul in the hopes of getting that perfect, mangled ear to complement their new pair of Cordarounds. What’s more, plastic surgeons are reporting a sharp increase in the number of patients requesting cosmetic cauliflowerings. Says Cordarounds founder Chris Lindland: “Naturally, the rough and tumble will be drawn to our hearty trousers in 2006, creating a style combination that’s going to be hard to beat -- even with a caveman's club.”
Lindland then removed a pair of earmuffs to reveal his own swollen and malformed ear stubs. "Cromagno," he declared, briefly wincing at the pain.
*If you have a photo of yourself wearing Cordarounds and would like to complete the look with a rugger's cauliflower ear (but want to spare yourself the dangers of the scrum), write us and we'll send you a Cauliflower ear of your very own.
**Your comments are always welcome.
Comments (5)
As a water polo player, I feel decidedly left out of this advertisement. Our ears are equally cauliflowered if not worse than ye land lubbin ruggers.
Posted by Fred Mundy | September 16, 2006 10:26 AM
As a backyard wrestler, I also feel left out of this advertisement. Cauliflower Ear doesn't compare to an atomically-bombed cranium or camel-clutched spine.
Posted by Kirk LeClerque | September 18, 2006 11:23 AM
Are we talking about organic cauliflower ear? I won't rub my ears into callused stumps if it involves pesticides.
Posted by Kyle Stokesberry | September 19, 2006 07:51 AM
Mr. Stokesberry brings up an important point: the Cromagno look cannot be faked. Crooked plastic surgeons and phamaceutical companies claim they can offer an overnight cauliflower ear, but the best they can produce is something that looks like jicama.
Posted by Dr. Samuel Broadfoot | September 19, 2006 08:31 AM
It's also important to note that Cordarounds cannot be forged. Counterfeiters still haven't mastered horizontal technology.
Posted by Lt. Ted Tippler, Houston C.S.I, Pant Division | September 19, 2006 08:56 AM