WHEN TO REVERSE? LAZENBY ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS.
August 30, 2006 | | Comments (15)
Many women ask, "When is it appropriate for a lady to wear her Cordarounds coat in smoking-jacket mode?" To answer this important question, we’ve called on Lazenby, Cordarounds' romantic skirt spokesman, who is standing by to answer your questions on fashion and adventure. Simply click Comments below.
Gentle Citizenry, It has been far too long since Lazenby's quill has danced merrily upon these pages, and this regrettable fact does make Lazenby ache with you, verily. But oh, had you heard but a whisper of the travails visited upon him in the farthest corner of the Earth, you would not begrudge his absence. Nay! You would cower beneath a quilt, shivering with fear!
And now the mystery shall be revealed; Lazenby shall recount for you now the circumstances of his disappearance and in doing so, answer the question that grips the soul of many a woman: When shall I wear my cordarounds coat in smoking jacket mode? (Gentle womenfolk, Lazenby requests you prostrate yourselves upon feather pillows, with fans at the ready!)
Your humble mounted servant has returned from the Orient, where he endeavored to rescue Lady Delilah Breckonshire, the buttery-soft creature of ineffable beauty and infinite wisdom -- particularly in matters of fashion -- who had been abducted by the despicable opium lord, Baron Chou. If only this vision of virtue had not been wearing her new reversible Cordarounds smoking jacket inside-out, which multiplied her beauty a hundredfold and transformed her into a quarry of celestial delight for the cur Chou, who gazed at her through eyes flogged by the insidious poppy, the beast-energy growing in him by the second! Indeed, a woman wearing such lovely and versatile togs brought forth a tingle in Chou that Lazenby himself has felt, and cannot explain without blushed countenance.
Suffice it to say, the fiend was dispatched promptly by Lazenby and his deadly accuracy with the javelin. Then he stole into the steamy night with the good Lady Breckonshire, she and her jacket hidden beneath the cloak of Lazenby, lest the hungry claws of the White Dragon reach out again in search of a fashionable young lovely!
Rest well again, good folk. Know that not another night shall pass in this City by the Bay that the streets do not echo with the hooves of my steed, and the pounding of a heart so restless. And know that if you wear your Cordarounds jacket in its so-called smoking mode, you yourself shall smolder not unlike the fires that rage within the cauldron of passion that is Lazenby, and he shall draw titanic breaths of longing as he gazes upon you.
Excelsior!
Comments (15)
Lazenby,
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years and he has yet to pop the question. I'm 31 and not getting any younger. Should I cut bait?
-Melissa
Posted by Melissa from Chicago | August 30, 2006 04:41 PM
Lazenby,
I was considering wearing a men's reversible smoking jacket to a wedding. Is this ok?
Ted from Charlotte
Posted by Ted B. | August 30, 2006 05:40 PM
Dearest Melissa,
A thousand times yes! This stuttering tumult of oozing knavishness you call a boyfriend deserves the searing steel of Lazenby's blade through his spleen. Now onward you shall ride!
Posted by Lazenby | August 30, 2006 07:17 PM
Dear Ted,
Will these nuptials unfold in Hefnarian splendor? If so, Lazenby declares you to be the "Man with the Plan."
Posted by Lazenby | August 30, 2006 07:19 PM
Lazenby -
I have a smoking jacket and worn it out and about in NYC.
I'm a reluctant to reverse it in a bar until i've a had a drink or three.
What does though suggest for me...
Gretel
Posted by Gretel Guggenheim | August 31, 2006 08:04 AM
Verily, it is the height of poor compostion to use any adverb at the end of a sentence, but it is particularly unwise to use verily at the end of a sentence. After all, since it truly means truly, even the least of us doesn't utter the word truly at the end of a sentence.
One's meaning is clouded and one's verbal skills come to be perceived as substandard by such a gaffe.
But, your fashion sense remains impeccable!
Posted by LJ Rogers | August 31, 2006 10:15 AM
Dear Lazenby:
I have two questions for you.
First, is it ok to take back horizontal reversible smoking jacket from the girl I just dumped? She protests too much.
Secondly, what say you about reversible horizontal corduroy smoking jackets in South Beach?
Graciously,
The Senator
Posted by The Senator | August 31, 2006 10:59 AM
Dearest Grammarian,
Verily, Lazenby is not the least of us; he is the MOST of us! For his days are spent delivering hot meals to senior citizens and assisting Special Olympians with their swordsmanship, while his nights thrust him headfirst into a hell-broth of lustful villainy and various deeds most foul. Lazenby has neither the time nor the inclination to consult his Elements of Style as some monster of the twilight unsheathes his scimitar and reveals its bloodthirsty intentions to Lazenby! Ho!
Posted by Lazenby | August 31, 2006 11:00 AM
It's still too warm to wear corduroy yet where I'm from. I'll keep it in mind for when global warming cools down in October.
Posted by Gina Marx | August 31, 2006 11:58 AM
Dearest Gretel,
Imbibe away, and wear your jacket saucy-side out! Know this: If your fair countenance is set upon by deviant curs or lecherous investment bankers, they will shudder as they hear the clippity-clop, clippity-clop of my steed, come to avenge your besmirching!
Posted by Lazenby | August 31, 2006 03:12 PM
Dear Senator,
With or without congressional decree, Lazenby declares that you may take back your jacket from this lass, lest it was purchased by her as an article of everlasting confederation.
Don your newly reclaimed togs -- and head for southerly climes!
Posted by Lazenby | August 31, 2006 03:19 PM
Oh, Gina,
The only global warming Lazenby feels is in his heart, as he gallops the globe in search of you!
Posted by lazenby | August 31, 2006 03:20 PM
Do you live in San Francisco, might you work in private equity? Might I have seen you at the Moana Loa?
- Amanda
Posted by Amanda Curtis | September 1, 2006 12:26 PM
Oh Sweet Amanda,
Yes, Lazenby does dwell in the City by the Bay. But private equity? No, Lazenby is employed only the pursuit of unbridled romance.
Posted by Lazenby | September 1, 2006 07:55 PM
Lazenby,
I worked very hard to lose weight so I could wear anything by Courdarounds, but now I am pregnant. Courdarounds is making clothes for my yet unborn child, but not for those want to dress in style? When is the madness going to end?
Posted by Kristi | September 21, 2006 12:43 PM