Do you know His Majesty, Haji Hassanal Bolkiah Muizzaddin Waddaulah, the Sultan of Brunei?  Do you know someone who knows him?  If so, please forward on this message:

Your Excellency:

It has been 13 insufferable years since Bill Gates surpassed you as the world's wealthiest man. These have been dark days indeed when unparalleled personal fortune has been defined not by harems and saffron-fueled Lamborghinis made of gold, but by stock options and sensible V neck sweaters.

We at Lindland Clothing long to return you to your rightful place as supreme opulence incarnate, so we've begun a grassroots effort to reinstate you as the world's wealthiest man.  Our contribution: the world's most expensive pair of pants.

Though they may look a pair of our $80 horizontal seersucker pants, this pair is special.  Valued conservatively at $983 million, these are, without a doubt, the world's fanciest pair of pants.  And they're yours for free!

 And what makes these pants so valuable?

* The cotton of these fine seersucker trousers was grown and loomed exclusively on the International Space Station, then hand sewn by professional hand models, also in orbit, using fibers from the Shroud or Turin and Barry Bonds' 700th homerun baseball.

* King Tut's sarcophagus was melted down and molecularly compacted to form the 24 millimeter button of your trousers.

* Inspector #6 inspected the pants 6,000 times before proclaiming them flawless, then dying in ecstacy.

* Your Summerounds were washed in a bath of babies' tears, warmed by a still-smoldering meteorite.

* They carry the scent of the small of Sophia Loren's back.

* They were serenaded by the ghost of Liberace.

* Finally, and we“re not sure how, at least eight Faberge eggs and a squadron of stealth fighters were destroyed in the production of your pants.

We know you would expect nothing less.

With this great gift of clothing, you are nearly 1/16th of the way to overtaking your rival in riches.  Merely a sub-billion-dollar pittance, for sure, but we at Lindland Clothing believe all great campaigns start with a small step in the right direction.

With love,

Your Faithful Servants at Cordarounds