SAN FRANCISCO, Aug. 28 – In a landmark climate-change study conducted jointly by the National Weather Center and Cordarounds, makers of casual, horizontal seersucker pants (pictured), researchers have determined that increased levels of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere will fuel scorching summer weather nationwide until at least mid-October. As a result, the Presidential Advisory Council on Science and Fashion has taken the unprecedented step of calling for an immediate and indefinite suspension of the so-called "No White After Labor Day" law.

“In light of significant climatic change over the last century, amending this woefully outdated legislation could spell relief for millions of Americans,” said Dr. Reginald Kaplan, lead researcher in the groundbreaking study.  “This law was passed as a public safety measure in 1910, when September storms regularly assailed the Eastern Seaboard with gale-force winds and up to 10 feet of snow a day, making wearers of white summer garments shiver – and worse, invisible.”

Continued Kaplan: “However, global warming, and the corresponding rise in global crotch-heat indices, has made it a cruel September indeed for the citizenry and its countless pairs of federally mandated woolen trousers.  The time to get rid of this law – and introduce in its place a decidedly cool and casual pant – is now.”

Stated Cordarounds founder Chris Lindland: “We are proud to have funded this important study, if only to give our marketing efforts pseudo-scientific credence.  So when the fashion calendar says it’s time to put away the white pants, but the thermometer says otherwise, put on a pair of our seersucker Summerounds, which are only half-white anyway.”  The other half is blue, tan or brand-new green. 

Lindland concluded by saying, tearfully: “Although I and the rest of the Cordarounds family remain steadfastly opposed to global warming, I am so very pleased to turn lemons into lemonade and state, unequivocally, that this is the year of ‘Endless Summerounds.’ In fact, from here on out, we shall call them exactly that.”

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